Remembering to Forget
by Plebia
Summary: My version of the events of KotOR 2, with the main plotline centering around LSF Jaelyn Kasra & BaoDur. This story has NOT been abandoned, I'm just suffering from extreme lack of time to write and mild writer's block. I'll update sometime, I swear!
1. First Meeting

"Good to have you back, General."

Jaelyn Kasra heard these calm, quiet words as if from miles away. After their spectacular 'landing' on Telos, she never wanted to move again, but even in her haze the speaker's tone intrigued her. Grudgingly, she sat up, wincing slightly as her head flared in protest.

"My head…feels like I've been ripped in half."

"Easy there General…" At this Jaelyn could no longer pay any attention whatsoever. Somehow, even after all this time, being called 'General' could bring that entire hellhole of a war rushing back. She fervently hoped that this man, whoever he had been in the war, only knew her vaguely, enough to know her rank, but not know much about her beyond that. _Please don't let him bring up Malachor_, she silently begged. Maybe he barely recognized her, a hazy figure from recruitment holovids…Unfortunately, as Jaelyn listened to the Iridonian it became clear that he not only knew her, but expected her to know him. Her confusion must have shown on her face because he stopped short, a hurt look on his face, before snapping back into a calm façade.

Completely lost, and feeling as though she had missed something, Jaelyn accepted his help finding the Ebon Hawk and began briskly walking toward a group of cannocks, eager to escape the awkward situation.

* * *

Bao-Dur watched Jaelyn closely as she fought every obstacle in her path. She was just as amazing a fighter as she had ever been during the war, and just as commanding a leader. He wasn't sure how to take her sudden reappearance in his life, especially given the fact that she had no memory of him whatsoever. He wasn't sure if he was glad about that. He would certainly have been glad if she'd remembered him, but he was relieved that she did not recall the part he had played at Malachor. Somehow, he knew that he would tell her eventually, if she didn't remember on her own, but for now he could pretend, and simply be there to protect her.

* * *

_A/N—I know, short first chapter, but I will get into longer ones soon, I promise! Poor Bao-Dur, thinks he can protect her. (Jaelyn is a Guardian in this fic, by the way) Thanks to Niobe Asha for encouraging me to post this._


	2. Specter of the Past

_Atris…of all the reclusive Jedi Masters to steal my ship, why did it have to be Atris?_

Jaelyn swallowed hard, trying desperately not to show how intimidating she found Atris's presence. Of all the Jedi Masters to be holed up in Telos's polar region…it was positively undignified, especially for Atris. The idea of Atris living in a glorified irrigation ditch…the idea! This thought, however irreverent, gave Jaelyn the confidence she needed, and she deflected most of Atris's barbed comments easily. Then the conversation turned to her trial, and the lightsaber she had been forced to surrender. She strove for calm, trying to banish the thought of her luminescent silver double-blade which had been her most dependable ally, her constant friend and companion, and her only certainty in the chaos of war. She had indeed been, in Atton's words, married to her lightsaber, and even after ten years without it a vibroblade was an almost offensive substitute. Still smarting from the reminder, Jaelyn almost didn't register Atris's next words.

"I have kept it, so I would never forget."

As she watched Atris draw _her_ lightsaber, Jaelyn was almost unable to stop the flow of aggression at the presumptuous thief before her. How dare she? After stealing the Ebon Hawk, accusing her of mass murder, and imprisoning her friends, the woman had the temerity to flaunt her loss? She controlled herself, barely, and forced herself to hear Atris out in peace. She was skeptical of Atris's motives, but resigned herself to the inevitable. She would have to face each of her former Masters, and hope they had become less rigid with time. Cutting the conversation as short as possible, she turned her back on Atris for what she fervently hoped would be the last time and strode from the room.

* * *

Bao-Dur woke slowly on the cold snow of the plateau. At first he could think of nothing but the cold, but soon he had a niggling thought…someone he was supposed to protect…the General! Catapulting to his feet, he quickly searched the wreckage, muttering to himself that if she was dead in the crash he would personally ensure that their _pilot_ suffered the same fate. He found no bodies or signs of remains, but he found no live people, either, so he extended his search, combing the surrounding area. A good distance from the crash site he found three destroyed HK-50s, which had only been 'killed' recently. Upon closer examination, the tech could distinguish scoremarks that could only have come from a Zabrak vibroblade, Jaelyn's weapon of choice. The bodies had also been stripped of any useful components, so he determined that the General must be fine. Rocking back on his heels, he was in the process of deciding his next course of action when he fell unconscious to the snow. The Handmaidens rolled their eyes at the absence of resistance and shouldered their burden after injecting enough sedative to ensure that he wouldn't wake up for quite awhile.

* * *

Jaelyn finally found the prison room, after a thorough exploration of Atris's 'Academy', an informative chat with 'the least of the Handmaidens', and some much-needed sparring with the other handmaidens. She had truly enjoyed the sparring; it had given her the opportunity to work off her frustration at recent events without really harming anyone… or at least anyone who didn't ask for it. Above all she didn't want her friends to have to pay the price for her bad mood. With this in mind, she was especially considerate when she found them. Kreia was cryptic and annoying as always, but Atton and Bao-Dur more than made up for it. Atton actually blushed when she asked if he was okay, which was amusing. She definitely wasn't interested in him, but hey, why worry about it? Bao-Dur, in sharp contrast to the overly-charming Atton, looked remorseful and apologized before she could even get a full sentence out. He actually _apologized_ for being knocked out in a crash! When she did ask if he was alright, he snapped into soldier mode, assured her he was fine, and all but stood at attention. This was relatively normal, for him, but seeing the contrast alerted Jaelyn that there was a different facet of Bao-Dur, and it intrigued her. She resolved to spend more time with him when they finally got _off_ this Force-forsaken rock of a planet.

* * *

_ A/N--Man, these chapters are shorter than I thought. They are all just about two faces of notebook paper long, as that is where I initially write them, so that probably explains it. How do you like it so far? Tell me!_


	3. Stale First Impressions

_Contains a bit of an extended flashback, but starts with Atton's conversation with Bao-Dur about the Exile._

* * *

"So do you think, maybe she and I might…" 

"You're being serious." Bao-Dur's eyes widened, but he managed to sound bored.

Atton misinterpreted his response. "You said you wouldn't laugh!" Little did he know that Bao-Dur was far from laughing.

"Atton, she was a general, and I was just a tech. Your guess is as good as mine." Atton finally accepted the futility of this line of questioning, and left Bao-Dur to his despondent reflections. Realizing that Atton had feelings for the General had forced him to admit his feelings for their contrary leader, and he had been happily denying anything but protectiveness up until that point. Damn Atton!

Fortunately for Bao-Dur's peace of mind, he was almost positive that the General didn't return Atton's infatuation. Atton was not what could be called subtle, and in several ways over the past days he had made himself very clear. Jaelyn just seemed to ignore it though, just as she had done during the war when men had tried to get too close. He remembered it well, even after all these years. Often on long intersystem flights the men got…restless. Restless men took chances, became more forward than they might have been otherwise, and Jaelyn had been, and still was, easily the most stunning General those poor recruits had ever seen. Bao-Dur had been a green tech the first time he'd seen her unique style of discouraging displays of male interest...

Early on in Jaelyn's career, he'd later learned, she's decided that she didn't want to be an aloof commander, so she had tried to become an accepted part of all levels of the crew. She'd particularly enjoyed the pilots' and techs' weekly games of Pazaak and Dejarik. Bao-Dur recalled that although she was only an amateur Pazaak player, she could take all comers in Dejarik. The first week he'd been on board the General's vessel he was taken to the games by his roommate, a sociable Twi'lek by the name of Drig. When he'd first seen her she'd been barely holding her own in Pazaak against a short Rodian. When she eventually lost, she merely grinned ruefully, handed over her credits, and moved over to the Dejarik boards.

She sat down for her game across from a handsome, dark-haired human who was a notorious flirt with the female techs and pilots, or so he was promptly informed by Drig. Curious to see how this young commander would handle the overconfident human, Bao-Dur edged closer. Tall Dark and Handsome appeared confident that his flirtation would not be unwelcome, and barely noticed his defeat at Dejarik, so intent was he on his pickup lines. He seemed unaware of the General's pointed stares of dislike, and proceeded to make an utter fool of himself, with no encouragement from her, culminating in the suggestion that they 'take this back to my room'. The General, drawing herself up to all of her five feet four inches, snorted and issued her challenge.

"You seem very confident of yourself, soldier, so I'll make you a deal. You have offended me with your blatant disrespect, lack of common sense, and chauvinism. I would like to know why you assumed it would be _your_ room I'd want to go to, rather than mine." A chuckle ran around the circle that had gathered to see Tall Dark and Handsome humiliated, while he appeared unsure of whether to take her response as encouragement. Jaelyn's mouth quirked in acknowledgment of the crew's amusement, then she returned to her victim. "I am, however, willing to give you another chance. Since you are proposing that I take advantage of your 'superior masculinity'…" She was all sarcasm. "I propose that we test it first. If you can best me in hand-to-hand combat, no weapons, no Force tricks, nothing but hand and feet, you can carry me off slung over your shoulders." The males assembled almost salivated. "_But_…if I win, you will never behave in a disrespectful manner to me again. Deal?" The moron readily accepted, and the duel was set for the next morning, which was a day off for most of the ship.

The duel was held in the same hall as the games had been the night before. A large space had been cleared in the middle, with benches encircling it to accommodate a large crowd. The men, eager for new entertainment, were expected to turn out in droves. The General strode in five minutes before the fight was bout to begin, and there was an almost universal jaw drop at the sight of her. The men, used to seeing her in concealing Jedi robes, were stunned at the sight of her in an only slightly loose, draping outfit that allowed for a much wider range of movement. Bao-Dur remembered noticing rather dazedly that the outfit's shade of blue almost exactly matched her eyes.

Tall Dark and Handsome entered not soon after, and his jaw dropped just like the rest when he saw his commanding officer. He had little time to gape, though, because as soon as he stepped into the ring she leapt forward and landed a hard kick to his side. What followed was probably the most embarrassing five minutes of that unfortunate soldier's life. It couldn't have been much more than five minutes before he was on the ground, the wind knocked out of him. All the onlookers knew she had gone ridiculously easy on the poor fool. Bao-Dur decided then and there that she was the most amazing thing he had ever seen.

Later that night Drig rhapsodized aloud on each and every aspect of the General to a highly amused Bao-Dur, who secretly agreed with his love struck roommate. He would never have admitted it to Drig, but it was there nonetheless. He only became more impressed with her over time, but he had seen her reject too many men by then to entertain any delusions about his chances. By nature a solitary person, and made unusually reticent by emotion, he never worked up the courage to even talk to her, let alone try to play her at the weekly game nights. And then came Malachor…

* * *

Jaelyn tired quickly of Atton's attempts to play Nar Shadaa rule Pazaak and left the cockpit after only a scant five minutes. She tried to ignore her pilot's crestfallen look and went in search of T3-M4, hoping for a report on some repairs he was doing. She finally found him ion the garage, getting some upgrades from Bao-Dur. As she watched him work, head bent over T3 and arm glowing distractingly in the dim light of the garage, she began to feel as if she did remember him, at least vaguely, but as soon as she concentrated on this thought it slipped away, and she was distracted from it as Bao-Dur finished his task, straightened up, and noticed her. Giving a bit of a start, his eyes met hers for probably the first time since she had admitted to not remembering him, back on Telos, and for a moment they were on the same level somehow, rather than leader and subservient follower. The moment was broken, however, when Jaelyn felt a strange surge of unidentifiable emotion from him, and she was startled into breaking eye contact. He seemed to take this very negatively, and stared at her boots for long moments while she was simply trying to process what had just happened. The fact that he had just projected his emotions like that, however unreadable, could mean only one thing. Her reliable tech was Force-Sensitive, and strongly so. Unsure how to approach him about it, she merely smiled and stood there for a minute, until he cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

"Something you need, General?" He seemed cautious now, and very aware that he had revealed himself to her. Realizing that she needed to tread carefully, she merely smiled a bit and assumed an air of easy camaraderie

"Nothing in particular, just wondering…" She trailed off, not able to think on her feet in the light of recent developments. An awkward silence fell, broken only when Bao-Dur worked up the courage to ask a question that had been on his mind recently.

"General, is there a reason you don't carry a lightsaber anymore?" Seeing her without it bothered him. His fondest memories of the war ware of her bent over a workbench, upgrading her lightsaber. She'd had no knack for it, but it was obvious how much she cared for her blade.

"My lightsaber was taken from me by the council." The depth of sadness in her eyes made him want to do something, anything, to alleviate it. Before his brain caught up with his mouth, he found himself offering to help her build a new lightsaber.

Jaelyn was astonished. She had no idea where he had learned lightsaber construction, but it was a good thing he had, because she had never been more than barely competent when it came to technology, and after all these years she very much doubted she would remember how to construct one on her own. She was deeply grateful to Bao-Dur for offering, and she conceded that he was right. Getting her old blade back was impossible, but wielding a lightsaber was a big part of who she was. She felt confident that, in Bao-Dur's hands, it would be only the best, and she could only hope that the construction of her lightsaber would lead to a conversation about the construction of his.

* * *

_A/N—Well, how do you like it so far? Again, thanks go out to Niobe Asha for giving me someone to write for, she's been great encouragement. Please, leave me a review! I can't know how you like it if you don't tell me. Am I going too fast? Too slow? I'm sure you have an opinion, and I want to hear it! Thanks for reading!_


	4. Confrontation

Heat. Humidity. Rain. Cannocks. The joys of Dxun.

Jaelyn wiped yet another bead of sweat from her eyes and tried in vain to pull back her short mane of dark gold hair, cursing for the thousandth time the vanity that wouldn't let her just cut it off, already! She growled under her breath and threw her vibro effortlessly, causing it to sink hilt-deep into the layers of moss and lichen on the jungle floor. Finally she succeeded in scraping back her damp hair and roughly tied it, muttering under her breath and glaring at her companions as if daring either of them to comment. Kreia, typically, muttered something under her breath to the effect of 'Jedi dignity', which only provoked Jaelyn. The two women engaged in a staring match, Kreia aloof and icy, and Jaelyn flushed and annoyed. The battle of wills continued for quite a few minutes, but finally the humor of the situation occurred to Jaelyn. Unable to stop herself, she laughed for a good five minutes, while Kreia looked taken aback. Jaelyn thought to herself that the old hag had probably never had a student with a sense of humor before. She was still giggling as her gaze turned to her other companion, and she grinned, inviting Bao-Dur to share the joke, but he jumped, looked embarrassed to be caught staring, and looked away down the jungle path. Jaelyn sighted, her laughter gone, and commenced hacking through the Dxun jungle, wondering if the taciturn Iridonian would ever open up.

* * *

Though Jaelyn was unaware of it, Bao-Dur continued to watch her closely for the rest of their journey. Her mood unsettled him; he was unused to her being so on edge. Jaelyn may not have been the epitome of calm, but normally she was unfazed by almost anything, and managed to laugh at most of it, too. Yes, she had been laughing earlier after her face-off with the old witch, but it had struck him as almost hysterical. She had most definitely _not_ been laughing when she found out that they would have to land on Dxun for repairs—on the contrary, she had paled visibly, swallowed hard, and tried to collect herself, but everyone could see that her fingers on the back of the pilots' chair (_Atton's_ chair, his jealous subconscious had noted) whitened around the knuckles as she strove for calm. Bao-Dur was completely bewildered until he overheard Kreia inform Atton that the General had fought here in the Mandalorian Wars. Even as stunned as he was, he couldn't help noticing Kreia and Atton's manner towards each other. It would appear that the old witch had some sort of hold over Atton, a fact that made Bao-Dur very uneasy. He had resolved to keep a close eye on them both, and was currently keeping that resolution in regards to Kreia. He would not let the old witch harm Jaelyn, no matter what.

* * *

Jaelyn soon regretted her impulsive behavior earlier, and even considered apologizing to Kreia, at least until she realized that Kreia would probably reject any such apology as a sign of weakness. Sometimes Jaelyn wanted to strangle her, she really did. Soon the three of them had traveled deep into the jungle, leaving a trail of dead jungle beasts and Duros bounty hunters, when they came upon an intersection of sorts in the path. Jaelyn was just stopping to catch her breath when a group of Mandalorians unshielded and demanded that they come to the Mandalorian base camp. Jaelyn reluctantly rose from the combat stance she had automatically adopted and followed.

* * *

Bao-Dur was nowhere near as willing to trust their hosts as Jaelyn. He watched in disgusted horror as she struck a deal with their leader, the current Mandalore, and proceeded to _assist_ the Mandalorians in every way possible. He couldn't understand how she had so completely forgotten the war, and told her so, cornering her beside the Mandalorians' hangar. 

"How can you be so at ease with these beasts? We should be fighting them, not helping them!" His normally easy tone had gained in ferocity during his outburst, surprising even him. Jaelyn looked troubled, but answered politely.

"I can be at ease with these _people_," she said, emphasizing the last word, "Because I have to be. We have to get to Iziz and they have been good enough to offer us transport. Besides, I don't have a problem with them to begin with." She looked calmly at her companion, silently permitting him to speak his mind.

Bao-Dur didn't need an invitation. "Don't have a problem with these…these…" Her eyes flashed in warning. "People!" he forced out grudgingly. "Have you forgotten the Mandalorian Wars? Do you really think _they_ have forgotten Malachor? How can you trust them?" His outburst over, he stared sullenly at the ground.

Jaelyn was increasingly disconcerted about his uncharacteristic vehemence and proceeded cautiously. "Bao-Dur, I have forgotten the Wars. I had to, and I keep trying to forget them every day. I do think they have forgotten Malachor, or at least have accepted it. And I don't trust them, not all of them, but as far as it goes, I think Mandalore is an honorable man. If that's not enough, for those who are untrustworthy, I trust you instead. I trust you to guard my back, and that's enough for me. I also trust you not to shoot your mouth off to the wrong person, which is more than I can say for Atton. We need these people, at least for now, but if you want to return to the ship I'll understand. I hope you don't, though." Blushing at her long speech, Jaelyn gave a quick mock salute and strode away toward Mandalore's quarters.

Bao-Dur was too astonished to even return the salute. He stared after her, speechless. What could he say, after all, to such an absolute vote of confidence?

* * *

A/N--Yes, I know, I'm taking it a bit slow, but rest assured, they'll get there eventually. Next chap will be a bit of humor after all this yelling.What I want to know, people, is why I have dozens of hits to this story and the lovely Niobe Asha is the only reader who bothers to throw me a bone! Pretty please with a cherry on top? At this point, I'll love you even if you tell me you hate it! Especially if you tell me _why_ you hate it! 


	5. Workbench Mishaps

The ship was quiet. After the events of Onderon, most of the crew had opted to stay in their own quarters and rest before they arrived at Nar Shadaa.

Jaelyn, however, found it impossible to rest, and she hoped her mechanic wasn't resting either. In the palace in Iziz she had finally found the last part she'd need to build a new lightsaber, and she simply couldn't wait.

Peeking around the doorway to the garage, she saw Bao-Dur in a rare moment of inactivity; he was sitting against a far wall, one knee drawn up with his head in one hand. She smiled at the picture he made and, loathe to disturb him when he was getting some much-needed rest, started to slink away. She was stopped, however, by his low voice just as she got out of sight.

"Something you need, General?"

Jaelyn turned around slowly, fully aware that no one could have known she was there unless they had felt her through the Force. _I'm going to have to talk to him about that_, she thought ruefully, but for now she simply smiled and held out the lightsaber parts she'd acquired.

"Do I have all the parts I'll need?" She looked so hopeful that Bao-Dur almost laughed, but managed to forestall that dangerous action by holding his own hands out and taking the parts. "Let me take a look…yes, that's all you'll need." Jaelyn needed no further encouragement. Bounding to the workbench, she proceeded to pick up the hydrospanner backwards. Bao-Dur's face gave up the struggle and he cracked a smile, corrected Jaelyn's grip, and the two of them set to work.

Bao-Dur took full advantage of Jaelyn's forced concentration on her task. She was normally an extremely capable woman, but get her near a workbench and she was little more than useless. Fortunately, she was well aware of that fact and tried to compensate by focusing single-mindedly on whatever task she undertook. Bao-Dur was particularly glad of that, as it gave him a perfect opportunity to watch her.

He was unaware of the smile on his face as he contemplated the woman working so diligently beside him, and it took him a few seconds to notice that she was staring back at him, a vaguely confused look on her face. Caught in the act, or so he thought, he was about to apologize for staring when she opened her mouth.

"Do you have my lightsaber crystal? I was about to put it in, but I can't find it." Bao-Dur was so relieved that she hadn't noticed his staring that he actually rolled his eyes and replied with flawless sarcasm that stealing her lightsaber crystal would defeat the point of getting her off his workbench as quickly as possible. Her eyebrows rose at his joke, but she seemed to enjoy it.

"I never said you stole it, tech, I just thought I might have given it to you and forgotten about it…or something…" She trailed off, looking confused, so Bao-Dur gently suggested they search around the base of the workbench for the wayward crystal. They both dropped to their knees, and spent a good five minutes looking, in which Jaelyn discovered a new appreciation of how much the Ebon Hawk's floors needed cleaned. After a few more minutes, Jaelyn sat back on her ankles and pointed to a space around the corner from where he had been searching.

"Bao-Dur…" He looked up obediently. "There's a shadowy corner here where a bit of floor panel's come up. I can't see anything, but could you take a look, just in case?"

He quickly complied, moving over to her side of the workbench and peering through the gloom. "Well, I think I see something…just over…there." He pointed with the hand on the side she couldn't see, and she didn't notice his motion.

"Oh, where? Let me see…" In her haste she leaned a bit too far forward a bit too fast and her forehead collided spectacularly with Bao-Dur's. Thankfully she missed any horns, but that didn't prevent a second bouncing collision with the workbench and finally the floor. Bao-Dur lay spread-eagled on his back and Jaelyn had landed face-first squarely on top of him, their faces mere inches apart. Instantly, Bao-Dur froze, unable to do anything, let alone move to get her off of him. Although he wasn't sure why he would want to…His mind having promptly ceased normal function, he barely noticed when Jaelyn rolled off of him, laughing hysterically and rubbing her head.

"Bao-Dur…" she burst into another laughing fit. "So sorry…" More laughter. "Are you okay?" At this point she lost control completely and practically rolled around on the grimy garage floor in paroxysms of mirth. Seeing her like this brought a full-fledged grin to his previously solemn, shocked face. Seeing his grin, Jaelyn was at first stunned, but soon they were both laughing too hard to worry about uncharacteristic behavior.

"You know… said Jaelyn after the gales had subsided to mere occasional chuckles, "I still haven't found that crystal!"

Bao-Dur snorted, and checked the base of the workbench one more time. "It's not here, General. Let me take a look at what you have so far, so I can correct anything wrong, while you keep looking." She gestured her assent and dropped back down to the floor. It didn't take Bao-Dur long to locate a serious problem.

"Well, General…" Her head popped up, and seeing his face, she slowly stood, a curious expression on hers. "Not bad," he continued, "except for your emitter placement."

Jaelyn looked confused, and pointed to the emitter, laying on its own beside the work in progress. "But I haven't put it in yet…"

Bao-Dur was about to burst with restrained laughter. "No…that's exactly the problem. You put your crystal in its place!" He was fully compensated for his bruised head by Jaelyn's dumbstruck expression before they both succumbed to another round of laughter.

* * *

_A/N—Sooo, whaddaya think? Like the humor? Think it was dumb? I know you have an opinion, and I want to hear it! Thanks go out to Toran of Rayseed for the very honest opinion. Thanks, as always, to Niobe Asha for the faithful reviews and encouragement. I'm up to four reviews on this story, from only two people, and I think you can do better, people! Next chap—Atton's confrontation, and Jaelyn gets comforted._


	6. Revelations and Accusations

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, I love you always! _

* * *

_If I substitute the beam splitter for the amplifying chamber that's more damage, but that entails a corresponding drop in the…_

Bao-Dur was going through all the upgradeable armor and weapons for the third time. Before that he had done complete rounds of the Ebon Hawk fifteen times, pestered T3-M4 about repairs until the little droid actually decided to ignore him, and avoided Kreia, and especially Mandalore at all costs. Bao-Dur may have deeply distrusted Kreia, and found her an annoying old witch, but he had still not gotten over his inherent hatred of Mandalorians, and found it offensive, repulsive, _soul- piercingly abhorrent_, to be a part of the same crew with the leader of a race he would prefer obliterated. Had almost obliterated, in one fell stroke, along with much of the Republic fleet and his own peace of mind…He viciously shook himself from that train of thought, and kicked the workbench irritably. The brute had even gone so far as to inform Bao-Dur that he admired him for having fought on the front lines. Bao-Dur had certainly never been ashamed of it, the fighting aspect at least, but being admired by the Mandalorian for having a part in his race's downfall had touched a chord of pity in Bao-Dur that he didn't want to feel for the old warrior, and so had buried beneath resentment. The General seemed to get on well with the old soldier, though, they talked weapons and fighting styles often, and Bao-Dur had even overheard them discussing battle tactics, using as examples the very battles they had fought on opposite sides of in the Mandalorian Wars! He wondered if her ease with the Mandalorian was feigned, but during their argument, which had never been revisited or even spoken of, she had seemed very sincere. He wryly reflected that she even seemed more at ease with the old soldier than with him sometimes. Maybe that was why she hadn't chosen to take him with her on Nar Shadaa—ostensibly she had said she needed Visas's command of the Force to assist hers in the clamor of such a populated planet, and there was no doubt that Atton knew his way around Nar Shadaa better than most. That hadn't stopped him from feeling hurt, however; she had kept him close throughout Telos, Dxun, and Onderon, and he couldn't help fearing that her exclusion of him had something to do with a changed attitude towards her lately. He thought he was doing well at staying friendly, keeping up their comrade-like relationship, and had resolved not to put one toe over the line. He couldn't bear rejection, and the awkwardness that would be sure to follow. He had resolved, therefore to remain content to be near her and guard her for as long as she would allow, but she was now not allowing him even that! To be completely honest, he didn't trust Atton to watch the General's back, he was more likely to watch the Twi'lek dancers. Neither did he trust Visas—as much as the General seemed to like her, he wouldn't trust any Sith, even a supposedly reformed one, for much more than a 'saber in the back. He sighed and, resigned to morose thoughts, settled down for a long wait.

* * *

_The one you travel with…he is not who he seems…_

The words echoed in Jaelyn's head sickeningly. She kept trying to deny them, pretend that she hadn't heard them, but they had been spinning around her head since she had been approached by the two Twi'leks. What did that mean? She fervently hoped it was nothing serious; as much as Atton annoyed her at times, she needed him around for his piloting skills, knowledge of the galaxy and Nar Shadaa in particular, and above all sense of humor. Without it she would have soon succumbed to depression at the destitute conditions of the Refugee Sector. Realizing that she wouldn't be able to focus until she cleared up the mystery, and not wanting to confront Atton in the middle of a Nar Shadaa street, she sighed and told her companions that they were headed back to the ship. Something must have shown on her face because Atton looked positively apprehensive and Visas even looked mildly concerned. Bao-Dur certainly noticed upon their return—and shot Atton such a dirty look that Jaelyn almost had to laugh. She gave him a look in return that just as plainly said _Not Now! I'll explain later. _ She walked calmly to the cockpit.

Atton was kicked back in his usual position, hands behind head and feet propped on the console, but as Jaelyn entered she could easily note that he was tense, and his raised eyebrow was a bit to nonchalant a query. Jaelyn took a deep breath and began.

"Atton? I met someone on Nar Shadaa who, well…said he knows you."

If she had thought him tense before, she now had tripped the spring of that tension, and it cam out fully in his words, as much as he tried to appear flippant. "Oh yeah? Did he say I owed him credits?"

Jaelyn could feel his anger and fear pushing dizzily past his control, but she took only a moment to steel herself to see her questions through. It wouldn't be pretty, but she needed to know.

* * *

He knew something was up. He could feel it. The General and Atton had been alone in the cockpit for over half an hour, and for once that thought could inspire no jealousy in him. He hadn't heard the General, but Atton's angry voice was loud enough to reach the garage, though Bao-Dur couldn't tell what he said. Around fifteen minutes after Atton's tirade had stopped, the General walked slowly through the door, a glazed look on her face. She slid to the floor next to the door, entirely oblivious to the fact that she had just sunk into a puddle of motor oil. Bao-Dur almost apprised her of that fact, but then deemed it better to address her mental state first. 

"It'll help to talk, General," he said gently. "What did Atton say?"

She smiled slightly, her mouth barely turning up at one corner, but she still did not look at him. "Oh, I started it; Atton isn't to blame for losing his temper." She sighed. "Long story short, I asked some questions I shouldn't have, and got some answers I didn't like." Again she tried to smile, but this time her mouth twisted instead into a pained grimace.

"That doesn't answer anything and you know it. Tell," prodded Bao-Dur gently.

She gave a long, shuddering sigh, looked up and met his eye for the first time since entering the garage, and began again. "I was approached by two Twi'lek males in the Refugee Sector today. Awful place, don't ever vacation there…" He raised his eyebrows at her. "All right, all right, back on topic. Well, they simply told me that the one I traveled with, Atton, was not what he seemed." She noticed his increasingly on edge manner, and smiled as if to reassure him. He was not reassured. "So…I confronted Atton about it when we got back, and…as it turns out, Atton was and assassin during the Wars, trained by Revan to…to break and kill Jedi." Her voice had gotten increasingly quiet during the final explanation, and Bao-Dur had had to strain to hear her last words. When he did, however, a strange wave of anger, protectiveness, and outrage washed over him. He was ready to strangle Atton, but Jaelyn saw his face and quickly forestalled him.

"No, he's fine now, Bao-Dur! He'll never break Jedi again."

He looked at her incredulously. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because he is one now…Atton is my Padawan." She looked genuinely pleased at this development, and gave her first real smile at the astonished look on his face. "I've known for awhile he had the potential, but until now I didn't know enough about his past. I'm very happy for him, though, and for me—another Sentinel will be useful. It's too bad I don't have any other Guardians, though…"

She had trailed off, but something still didn't make sense to Bao-Dur. "General, if Atton truly is reformed, and his being an assassin isn't an issue, then why could the whole ship hear Atton yelling, and why were you so depressed when you came in?"

Jaelyn blanched. "He asked…how I could live with myself after…after Malachor.' He blanched in turn, looking shocked. She tried to appear calm and unaffected, but after a few moments tears began silently making their way down her face. He moved toward her, patting her back awkwardly and wishing he could offer her some kind of comfort without appearing too familiar. She rendered the question academic, however, when she surprised them both by throwing herself into his arms and sobbing as though her heart was breaking. Feeling utterly out of his depth, he merely followed instinct and rubbed small circles on her back. When her sobs quieted, she hesitated a moment and drew back, blushing. Bao-Dur felt bereft, but managed to appear casual. His efforts were wasted on her, however; she avoided his eyes, whispered "Thanks," and fled.

* * *

_A/N—So, what think you of my humble efforts thus far? You could always drop me a line, following the examples of DevonF, Rae, Pirate.Rent-Head.Jedi Knight., Toran of Rayseed, and of course the inestimable Niobe Asha. I try to reply to all of my reviews, and I am very grateful for all of them. Jaelyn's view of things will be extensively dealt with in the upcoming chapter, for those who wanted to know how she felt. Thanks again!_


	7. Lack of Communication

_Sorry this took so long to post, real life interfered (a lot) and then my word processor decided to get stuck on all caps! Well, here's the next chap, enjoy!  
_

* * *

The entire crew was gathered in the main hold of the Ebon Hawk. Bao-Dur would have laughed at such a strange assembly of sentients had the situation been less serious. Goto, supreme crime lord of Nar Shadaa, had captured the General and was holding her hostage on his yacht, Force knew where, Force knew for how long. Maybe permanently. As if this was not enough for Bao-Dur's precarious state of mind, Atton, whom Bao-Dur probably never would trust, had brought on board Mira, a flame-haired scoundrel who reminded him entirely too much of Atton himself. Since Bao-Dur had absolutely no faith in that pair's rescue abilities, he had sent T3 out hours ago, as soon as the situation became apparent, with a plan. In fact, the little droid should be returning any moment now. 

T3 interrupted Atton and Mira's heated argument on where Goto's yacht was most likely to be right on schedule, and soon Bao-Dur had convinced the rest of the crew to adopt his plan. Only two could go to rescue the General. Atton nominated himself leader of the expedition, by merit, apparently, of having killed the Twi'lek assassins, and no doubt hoping to appear the conquering hero to the General. Bao-Dur wasn't about to get left behind when that was a possibility.

"Atton, you'll need me if you come across any forcefields." Atton looked a bit suspicious, but realized the practicality. He nodded, and the two men prepared for their mission, Atton by checking over his lightsaber on the workbench, and Bao-Dur by changing the Ebon Hawk's transponder codes.

* * *

The toe of Jaelyn's boot scuffed back and forth hypnotically. She was seated in the bridge of Goto's yacht, and very, very bored. That said, she couldn't complain much about the solitude; living in close quarters with five people and a droid made for very little privacy. She wasn't really worried about remaining here, in Goto's yacht; she knew she would find a way out if her enterprising crew didn't find her first, so in the meantime she decided to play the docile prisoner and bide her time. She really needed time to think about some things, especially her bewildering mechanic. They had been companionable almost from the start, and she had genuinely enjoyed his conversation. They had bonded over lightsaber construction and modification, making fun of Kreia, and their shared past, although that wasn't brought up too often. In Jaelyn's opinion, if the results of talking over the past were typified by their encounter after Atton's confession, she could do without, thanks. Above all, Jaelyn hated crying. It made her feel weak, a rare enough event for her, and she always felt awkward around whoever had seen her crying after the fact. Maybe that explained her self-consciousness around Bao-Dur since that encounter, but she knew she was fooling herself. She was genuinely fond of her mechanic for a multitude of reasons; he was coolheaded, soft-spoken, intelligent, and brave. After he had held her, though, she knew she couldn't go back to just being friendly with him. She had, at first, simply been blindly seeking a shoulder to cry on, but as her sobs had quieted and the force of her emotions lessened she had become increasingly aware of the bits of him attached to that shoulder, and the fact that he was very masculine, very muscular, and very close. She couldn't get the profound feeling of security she had felt in his arms out of her mind. Wanting to find out if his arms would have the same effect again wasn't a bad thing, was it? She wasn't in the least worried about the rules of the Jedi Code forbidding attachment—the way Jaelyn saw it, they'd given up all claims to her when they cast her out. The only problem she could see at the moment was that she was far from sure that he returned her feelings. She had seen much more of his emotions than anyone else on the crew, but that was barely enough to confirm that he had emotions, nothing more. The one time he'd gotten truly animated in her presence he'd been yelling at her. Not, all things considered, a good sign. They had been friendly since then, however, so perhaps there was hope…Jaelyn shook her head in frustration, and resigned herself to the fact that she wouldn't know Bao-Dur's true feelings on the subject until she could see him in person. There was always the fact that they weren't the same species, but as far as she knew, Iridonians were only different from humans in the fact that they had horns, which bothered her not at all. She certainly hoped that was the only difference—if he had a little less in other areas than normal humans she would certainly be depressed. No, his race didn't bother her, but what if it bothered him? Or worse, he just wasn't interested? 

Assuming he was interested, how would she be able to tell? To say he was a little less talkative than the average sentient would be an understatement. Upon reflection, Jaelyn could only determine that she would have to catch him off his guard. The few times she had seen him mask his emotions, as on Telos, had led her to believe that if she caught him unawares and without his emotional armor, so to speak, she would be able to tell a lot more than in normal conversation. She resolved to be on the lookout for such a situation, and with that resolution, settled down to wait.

* * *

As soon as they had successfully boarded Goto's yacht, Atton activated his viridian lightsaber and commenced fighting his way towards the interior of the ship. Bao-Dur was pleased to note that, even though Atton's weapon was undeniably more powerful, he was accounting for just as many robots as Atton, if not more. As they got to the end of the most recent group of floating sentries, Atton paused. Bao-Dur was about to inquire as to the reason, but Atton held up his hand for quiet. 

"Hold on a minute, 'kay? I'm trying to contact the Exile."

Bao-Dur tried not to grind his teeth visibly. As if he needed more reminder of the General and Atton's new, and closer, relationship. He'd already been forcing himself to ignore Atton's lightsaber. Without waiting for Atton to come back to the real world, he took the right hand door. Another three sentry droids awaited him, and he had no sooner reduced them all to scrap metal when Atton peeked his head around the door.

"Uh, just so you know, the Exile is…that way." He pointed to the door opposite the one Bao-Dur had taken. Bao-Dur stared at him, trying hard not to imagine what Atton's face would look like with a black eye and a few less teeth. Atton waved a hand in front of Bao-Dur's face, apparently taking his self-restraint for inattention. "Hel_lo!_ Let's get a move on and get _out _of here already, 'kay?"

Bao-Dur strode after Atton, taking directions without a word, though he knew Atton was oblivious to any change, and threw himself into combat with anything they met along the way with a ferocity that even Atton couldn't fail to notice. When Atton signaled that they were close to where the General was being held, Bao-Dur drew himself up short. It wouldn't do for him to see the General right now, she was perceptive enough to get full advantage of his current open emotional state. On top of that, his eyes had a way of revealing too much when he first saw her, and he had come too far now to be pushed back to 'casual acquaintance' just because he made her uncomfortable. After a moment he looked up and gave Atton the go-ahead to unseal the passageway, sure that his eyes would reveal none of his emotions, no matter what.

* * *

Back on the Ebon Hawk, after her meeting with Zez-Kai Ell, Jaelyn paused only in the cockpit to make sure Atton was on course for Dantooine before making a beeline for the Starboard Dormitory she shared with Visas, Kreia (at least at night), and now Mira. Kreia's daytime refuge, the Port Dormitory, was occupied by the men at night. Jaelyn walked calmly to the door of the Starboard Dormitory, asked Visas calmly if she could be alone for awhile, and sat down on her bunk, staring at the opposite wall with intense concentration. Far from leaving the room, Visas watched dispassionately as Jaelyn seemed to be trying to puzzle something out then appeared to come to a negative conclusion and flopped back on her bunk, staring with the same concentration at the ceiling. Visas sighed. 

"Is something wrong, my Master?"

"You could say that." She took in a long, deep sigh. "Me are sooo frustrating!" she suddenly burst out. She glared at Visas, as if daring her to say something, but Visas only looked confused, or at least as confused as it was possible to look from under a hood. After a moment's thought, however, she seemed to come to a conclusion.

"Master, you are interested in him, then?"

"Well, yes! I thought I was so obvious, but he's like a duracrete wall, he shows no emotion back!"

"Master, you might not see it, emotionally involved as you are, but I assure you that it is very obvious to the rest of us that Atton is _quite_ interested in you."

Jaelyn gaped, then a wide grin spread across her face, which Visas once again misinterpreted. "He is, huh? Well, you caught me. What do you think, are we well suited or what?"

"Other than a slight lack of...subtlety...on his part, I suppose you are...in a way." Jaelyn could have laughed at Visas's obvious disapproval, but she decided to have a little fun instead.

"Atton," pronounced Jaelyn, "Is just about as subtle as a hungry Bantha and boastful as a drunk Rodian!" She dissolved in laughter.

Visas looked confused, and for the first tine in the conversation she looked truly interested. "Then...who...? The only other men on this ship--and you already said men," Jaelyn grinned and nodded. "The only other men are Mandalore...surely not!" Jaelyn shook her head, enjoying the game. "And...Oh!" Her face registered surprise, then a dawning understanding. "It all makes sense now...you do enjoy a challenge, don't you?" Jaelyn no longer looked amused; a wistful expression had stolen over her face, and she flopped back onto her bunk, trying not to see the utter lack of emotion in his eyes on Goto's yacht, but she suspected it would haunt her dreams.

* * *

_A/N—Big apology goes out to Toran of Raysed, whose name I horrifically misspelled 'Toran of Rayseed', for whatever reason. Thanks to Toran of Raysed for the review, and to a new reviewer, LeaDeetz, whose name I am positive I got right. As always, thanks to DevonF, Rae, Pirate.Rent-Head.Jedi Knight., and as always, Niobe Asha. You, wonderful reader, would do well to follow their example and review! It waters the flower of my motivation to write, or whatever. I promise to answer all signed reviews, if that's any motivation. Thanks!_


	8. A Rapid Downhill Slide

_Sorry about the horrible delay; not only did real life interfere with a vengeance, but I also became a beta reader recently as well, after __accidentally deleting this chapter, and starting from scratch, twice. Oh, and the computer deleted one scene three times after that. Ah well. Enjoy!_

* * *

Opening her eyes the next morning, Jaelyn stumbled to the refresher and began her morning routine of slowly, progressively becoming a fully functional human being. Looking up from her morning mouthwash, she surveyed her reflection in the mirror. The past ten years had taken their toll, yes, but Jaelyn flattered herself that she still looked young enough to pass for eighteen. She had always looked a bit young for her age, a fact that had been a great disadvantage during the Wars. What officer would take seriously a general who was not only female but looked about fifteen? She had had to prove her competence time and time again, but it had been worth it. By the end of the war any one of those previously skeptical men would have followed her to the ends of the galaxy...or to their deaths, at Malachor. Shaking off that thought along with the water in her ears, she yet again stared into the mirror, this time without truly seeing her reflection staring back. 

After her conversation with Visas the night before, she couldn't shake the feeling of unfinished business with Bao-Dur. As much as she had tried to rationalize away his look of utter unconcern when he had first seen her, and his subsequent brusque attitude towards her for the remainder of the day, she was left with hopelessness that had abated little with her night's sleep. Staring unseeingly at her reflection, however, she slowly gained a sense of what sh could only define as determination. She was unwilling, when it came down to it, to concede defeat when she had no real proof of his indifference. In the rush of this newfound confidence, she resolved to corner Bao-Dur today, while they were all trapped on-ship en route to Dantooine, and determine the truth.

By the time lunch had come and gone, most of Jaelyn's militant determination had dissipated, and she was left with the mere mortal's resignation to follow the course of action she had set for herself in a bolder moment. That said, she certainly took her time about it, avoiding the issue by cornering the newest addition to the crew, Mira, ostensibly to make her feel welcome, but really just to avoid forcing herself toward the garage. Mira, unfortunately, wasn't very interested in satisfying Jaelyn's curiosity. After only five minutes of conversation with the recalcitrant redhead, Jaelyn could determine two things--one: Mira had a secret, or secrets, and two: she really didn't want to talk about it. Them. Whatever. Sighing, Jaelyn resigned herself to approaching Bao-Dur sooner than she would have wished.

Steeling herself, she paused in the door of the garage and took a deep breath. Bao-Dur, using that sixth sense that he seemed to take for granted, looked up before she had even inhaled fully. Bracing herself, Jaelyn fixed a polite but blank smile on her face and edged into the garage.

* * *

Bao-Dur sensed her presence even sooner than she thought. For as long as he could remember, he had been able to tell when someone was sneaking up on him, and had always simply attributed it to acute hearing or something of the sort. This time, however, the thought struck him that Jaelyn could sneak up on anyone normally, and she certainly had tried to in the past. Maybe his abilities were due to something else...he quickly shook this thought aside, however, when he saw Jaelyn's face. She looked wary, almost unsure of how he would react. Her eyes were downcast, and she looked very uncomfortable. Realization dawning, Bao-Dur stood rooted to the spot as he watched his worst nightmare unravel. He'd given too much away on Goto's yacht, he must have! 

Quickly reviewing their encounters in his mind, he became more and more convinced that he had exposed his feelings somehow, and she was repulsed. She was probably only here because she needed his technical expertise for something. Almost as soon as that thought entered his head it was ostensibly confirmed when she thrust her lightsaber and a crystal in his direction, mumbling something about upgrades. Heart sinking by the moment, he got out the fine tools required for the task at hand. He decided that the best course of action was to treat her as indifferently as possible during this encounter, and thus set her at ease. Bracing himself, he took the lightsaber from her hand and bent over his task.

* * *

They quickly settled into their usual routine: he did the more complex repairs while she handed him tools and he explained the theories behind different upgrades and installation methods. He still talked as he worked, but this time something was different. Try as she might, Jaelyn could distinguish absolutely nothing in his manner that hinted at any attachment at all. In fact, he was more than usually reserved and detached today. Aside from almost reflexive explanations of the upgrades, he was categorically silent. Any questions she posed were answered in monosyllables, a far cry from their usual spirited discussions. Her initial trepidation had only increased during their stilted conversation, which in turn prompted Bao-Dur to withdraw even further. The last five minutes or so were conducted in total silence, and she had never been happier to flee any room in her life. 

She bumped into Visas in the hallway, and when the Miraluka realized where Jaelyn had come from, she stopped and waited for an update. Jaelyn shook her head mournfully, realized her apprentice probably had no idea she'd made the gesture, and forced out "No, Visas, definitely not," before fleeing to the safety of the starboard dormitory.

Flopping down on her bunk once again, Jaelyn tried valiantly to find some hope in the situation, but all she could see was Bao-Dur drawing further and further into himself. _Must have been too obvious,_ she thought to herself. _Never was any good at concealing my feelings..._ Shaking herself from her self-pity, she resolved to simply forget Bao-Dur, since he was so obviously not interested. Insultingly so, as a matter of fact, but she didn't want to dwell on that either. Reflecting on her options, Jaelyn suddenly smirked, a predatory grin on her face. _Maybe he's not interested now,_ she reflected, _but I wonder if seeing me with someone else would force him to see me as something other than his _General_...Atton's usually in the cockpit, and I bet I can get him to play Pazaak in the main hold...well within earshot of the garage..._ Sitting up, she straightened her clothes, brushed her hair back from her face, and stalked toward the cockpit.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, she and Atton were in the middle of a rousing game of Pazaak and had both had several mugs of Tarisian ale. Jaelyn held her alcohol well, barely slurring her words, but Atton had had quite a few more. He had pretty much given up all pretense of being interested in the game, and after a few rejections to his more obvious propositions, he tried a more subtle approach. 

"This game's getting a bit boring, don't you think, love?"

She smiled and played along. "If you say so, handsome. What did you have in mind?" She made sure that this was delivered in her most sultry tone and pitched so that any inhabitants of the garage couldn't fail to hear. She'd always had a big mouth.

Atton raised his eyebrows, too drunk to conceal his surprise that she wasn't shutting him down. "Well, beautiful, I thought maybe we'd just raise the stakes a bit. How does Nar Shadaa rules sound?"

She smiled a slow, predatory smile and said, "That sounds just fine." Atton couldn't believe his luck.

* * *

Just as Jaelyn had hoped, Bao-Dur had heard every word, and fifteen minutes after they started playing he just couldn't stand it anymore.Gathering some 'essential parts' for the cockpit, he walked, in what he hoped was a casual manner, towards the main hold. He had barely gotten past the doorway, though, when the sight of the pair of them stopped him in his tracks. Atton was down to nothing but his boxers and hoster, while Jaelyn was clad only in her bra and shorts. She reclined lazily in her chair, apparently quite comfortable with her state of undress. She was facing away from that door, or she would have seen him turn and disappear back into the garage without a word. 

Although Jaelyn never noticed him, Visas had been watching the whole scene from the shadows, and she didn't fail to feel the wave of extreme pain that burst from him before he forced his features and his emotions into their normal stoic mask. The Miraluka's expression under her hood was calculating.

* * *

_A/N--It will get better, I promise! Again, I'm soo sorry that this took so long. Unfortunately, it is going to be at least three or four days before I post again. I'm getting busy, and the story is giving me some trouble. Input definitely helps me to write faster, so pleeease help me out! I have three reviewers to give my special thanks to this time around: DevonF for the approval, Niobe Asha for being a wonderful reviewer and supporter and for getting my rear in gear, and No One Special (who is very special in my opinion) for giving me the best constructive criticism to date. Again, reviews are as necessary as air to breathe to writers, and three reviews per chapter is veritable suffocation. Well, that's all for now, folks, hope you're enjoying!_


	9. Perspectives in Transit

_Once again, sorry for the delay, this time the site logged me out as I was editing, and I lost about 500 words. This chapter is dedicated to my reviewers from chapter 8, No One Special and CaitlynRoe, both of whom left awesome critiques._

* * *

To see the Ebon Hawk gliding peacefully through space one would find it hard to imagine that her passengers could be anything less than at peace. Unfortunately, all was not well among her crew, and things seemed to be escalating by the minute...

* * *

Mira stalked through the cramped halls of the ship towards the cargo hold, looking for a bit of privacy. She paced the hold, thoroughly frustrated. She still couldn't quite believe she'd gotten herself stuck on this tiny freighter with nothing to do, and no one for company. Jaelyn was an alright girl, but Mira had never gotten along with women as well as she had men. Unfortunately, there was a noted scarcity of those on this force-forsaken heap of junk, and the few there were were definitely below her notice. The only males present and accounted for were Mandalore, Bao-Dur, and Atton. Mandalore was to be avoided at all costs lest he realize her secret, Bao-Dur was boring, and Atton...well, Atton wasn't all that bad at all. He wasn't below her notice in the least, but evidently _she_ was below_ his_. Mira had to admit to herself that she found their pilot very...intriguing, but it was obvious to anyone with eyes that he was completely taken with the Exile, and after that Nar Shadaa Rules Pazaak game...well, she'd see how things shaped up on Dantooine, and until then she planned to...what, exactly? Putting a hand on one hip and running a hand roughly through her unruly red hair, Mira determined that, if only for her amusement, she was not going to avoid Atton, or pretend she wasn't interested. Who knew, maybe he'd get interested in return, and even if not she wouldn't be as bored for a few hours. Maybe she'd start with seeing exactly how much of a threat Jaelyn was likely to be...

* * *

Meanwhile, Atton was kicked back in the cockpit, contemplating the Exile with a dreamy grin on his face. He had no idea what had made her stop brushing him off, but no way was he complaining. She spent more and more time in the cockpit lately, and even the fact that he hadn't gotten as much as a peck on the cheek out of it wasn't bothering him. It was only a matter of time. He would wear her down eventually, or at least probably. His task would be a lot easier if that schutta Visas would stop walking in just as Jaelyn seemed about to let down her guard at last. She would look toward Jaelyn with her mouth pursed in a disapproving frown and Jaelyn would start, sit up and look guilty before sticking her chin out and looking mutinous at the rebuke. Whether she agreed with whatever obscure message Visas was sending, it never failed to make her distant again. Atton couldn't for the life of him understand why Visas seemed so against him and Jaelyn getting to know each other more...personally. Maybe it was the Jedi Code? _Screw the code_, thought Atton belligerently.

* * *

The Code was the farthest thing from Visas's thoughts, she was simply worried for her master and friend. She valued Jaelyn's judgement highly, but it seemed to her that the Exile was making a mistake. Jaelyn insisted that Bao-Dur had no feelings for her, but Visas simply knew that he did. The waves of emotion roiling in him when he walked in on Jaelyn and Atton's impromptu strip session had been unmistakable. She suspected that the reason Jaelyn hadn't felt it as well had a direct correlation to the amount of Tarisian ale that she'd imbibed. Visas had unwisely tried to tell Jaelyn about Bao-Dur when she was hungover, and Jaelyn's response had been in the universally understood language of hangover-groan. 

"Visas, leave it, okay? I appreciate the moral support, but you didn't see him in that garage. He had even less to say than T3 on a bad day, and called me General every three sentences. Men don't call women they're interested in by their military rank from ten years ago! Can you do any healing on this hangover?"

Visas had left it at that, but hadn't forgotten about it by any means. She disliked the idea of playing matchmaker, but really, things were getting out of hand. She could only hope that Bao-Dur would figure some things out, and soon.

* * *

Bao-Dur felt like he had to figure out a lot of things. All because of his slip-up on Goto's yacht, Jaelyn was now avoiding him like he had some sort of contagious disease. She visited the garage only if she absolutely had to, and then only if she was sure he was in another part of the ship. She spent more and more time with Atton, and Bao-Dur was left with the feeling that something wasn't quite adding up. Even if he'd made her uncomfortable back on Nar Shadaa, their subsequent encounters should have been more than enough to put her at ease and restore their old friendship. He sighed, unwillingly coming to the conclusion that she just didn't want to be around him. She obviously much preferred Atton's company to his, and who could wonder? He'd been a fool to think that she could possibly prefer him to a young, handsome and dashing human like Atton. As depressing as this conclusion was, Bao-Dur was determined to look on the brighter side of things, if only for his own mental health. Whether the General spent time with him or not, he was still part of her crew, which was a vast improvement from on opposite sides of the galaxy...he would have to be content with that.

* * *

Jaelyn had come to a similar conclusion, but was having a much harder time with it than the naturally composed Bao-Dur. She couldn't keep her mind off of him, and found herself wondering why he was so obviously repelled by her feelings. She wasn't that bad, was she? He'd seemed just fine with being her friend, and hadn't recoiled from holding her as she cried the night Atton had brought Malachor fully to the front of her mind. She knew Bao-Dur had been shocked to see her break down like that, simply because she was normally a cheerful and upbeat person. He couldn't have known that just because she didn't outwardly grieve that she was completely past the memories. She and Bao-Dur merely had different ways of dealing with the grief and self-recrimination that Malachor had left imprinted on their souls. 

Bao-Dur hid whatever bitterness he still carried beneath silence and action. Jaelyn had never seen him unoccupied but in sleep, and as a result he would soon run out of repairs to do on this old bucket of bolts. Jaelyn was almost looking forward to the day he ran out of any sort of mechanical work to do, wondering how he would handle idleness. Maybe he'd resort to taking T3 apart and reassembling the poor little guy...

Sobering, Jaelyn took a deep breath and began to really examine her own way of dealing with Malachor for the first time in awhile. Her crew viewed her as a good leader who always made them feel necessary and always kept the situation light. She knew that Mandalore couldn't understand her, and that Kreia consider her contemptibly immature. No one on the crew had seen her after Malachor, and so could never understand.

The weeks after Malachor had been spent in a makeshift Republic hospital ship, lying in a rock-hard bed and staring blindly at the ceiling. She had been unable to silence the screams of the millions in her head, and yet she knew they weren't actually there. Her connection to the Force was gone, and she had never felt more bereft. At the same time she hated herself for her self-pity, hated herself for being alive, and hated herself for being the cause of so much suffering. After weeks of leaving her be, one of the orderlies had tentatively approached her and told her that the Jedi Council had summoned her a week ago, and they could no longer detain her.

Gathering all her strength, Jaelyn had endured the escort to Coruscant with very few memories of the trip, and her first coherent memory after Malachor was of standing before the Jedi Council as they condemned her for events she had already consigned herself to a living hell for. She couldn't bring herself to care that they were exiling her, and she said as little as possible in her own defense. She was utterly detached from the situation until they demanded she relinquish her lightsaber. She had been shocked and frightened at the amount of pure hatred that had welled up in her at that point and, rather than risk losing control she'd stabbed her 'saber into the central pillar and rushed away without a word.

The next five years had been utter hell. She'd drifted across the galaxy, doing odd jobs to keep herself fed, everything from crewing a smuggling vessel to small-time bodyguard work. She'd gained quite a bit of attention fir her skill as a bodyguard, but had been careful to move on before she got any major offers. Slowly, over the years of drifting, Jaelyn had realized that she was simply never going to get over Malachor. She had hoped that over time she would be able to move past it eventually, but she was unable to do so with the gaping hole inside her that the Council had created.

So she'd drifted for five of those ten years, and would have remained that way if it hadn't been for the intervention of two very unexpected friends. Jaelyn had been drowning her sorrows in a backwater cantina in some Force-forsaken Outer Rim planet. She had just left her latest bodyguard gig and was now perfectly resigned to spending her pay on mind-numbing booze until her pay ran out and she needed another job. She was only halfway to becoming completely insensate when she recognized two of the myriad spacers drifting in and out. _Broc_, she thought, _Broc Hart and...Lan something? Lieutenants during the War..._She fervently hoped they wouldn't recognize her, but she had no such luck.

As soon as Broc spotted her, crouched at her corner table and trying to look inconspicuous, he shook his companion's shoulder and whispered something. Lan's eyes widened, he nodded, and the two men brought over an extra drink.

"General?" Broc sounded unsure, and Jaelyn wondered how different she looked, she hadn't really thought about it before. Her personal hygiene hadn't lapsed, but she had let her hair grow and was much more careworn. She tried to make her response flippant.

"Greetings, lieutenants. How've you been?" Her tone was a bit too light and had a bite of sarcasm that she hadn't intended, and the men's faces became more concerned. They made smalltalk for a few minutes, discussing their lives since the War.

"General, we heard about the Council exiling you," Broc said with a sympathetic shake of the head. "Did they take you 'saber as well?"

Jaelyn nodded, trying to appear nonchalant. She inquired as to what the two men had been doing since the War, and congratulated them on their own shipping company, specializing in raw materials shipments. They were here on business, loading a shipment of some native ore used on construction. As they were regaling her with tales of their deep space adventures, Lan's wife entered the bar and approached their table.

"Dear, would you come help me pick out some supplies for our trip? I'm afraid I'm not sure what we can afford." Lan readily acquiesced, and Jaelyn found herself alone with Broc, who rolled his eyes as soon as Lan's wife was out of sight.

"I swear, Ria refuses to leave him alone in any 'seedy establishment' for more than five minutes. I get the impression she doesn't trust me, but that _couldn't _be it..." He grinned. "So, we never discussed what you were doing on this rock."

Jaelyn smiled, although it came off as more of a grimace. "Well, not much of anything, really, just drifting and doing odd jobs as a bodyguard."

Broc looked more concerned, although he tried to hide it. "You don't have a job now, do you?" When Jaelyn reluctantly shook her head he brightened. "Well, nothing easier. You can join our crew. We lost one of our crewmen when we put in, he got a better offer, so we really could use you." When she still looked reluctant, Broc put in, "No, don't answer now, I'll be back tomorrow, same time, same place, and if you want a place on the _Eagle_, bring your gear and we'll be leaving tomorrow evening. Nice seeing you, General, and I hope you decide to come."

Jaelyn did think long and hard, but in the end it wasn't much of a decision. She had run out of money yet again, she needed a job, and she would have someone to talk to that she was at least familiar with, and she knew from experience how hard long hauls were without that. The next day saw her waiting at the cantina with her vibrosword and blaster, her only possessions.

Over the next months on the Eagle, Jaelyn rediscovered what it meant to have friends, to have someone who understood what you were going through, and she was abjectly grateful. Broc had the scars of Malachor, although they hadn't been enhanced by the Force, and then being ostracized from it, and his way of dealing with it was laughter. Jaelyn had at first been completely puzzled by this, but as they got to know one another he had been increasingly insistent that she try it. He made sure to keep all their conversations light, and slowly Jaelyn had felt the burden lifting from her shoulders. She remembered him saying to her once that 'Yes, I'm in pain, but I don't have to advertise it and make it worse. The less I dwell on it, the less power it has over me.'

Jaelyn had found her burden hard to not dwell on, especially as she had spent the last five years doing exactly that, but over time she found it became easier and easier to deal with her problems by presenting a happy face to the world. That was, at times, made harder by the fact that she couldn't feel like she was really a whole person with the hole inside her where her Force affinity had used to be.

She still wasn't past that hole, even now as she was repairing it. She doubted she would ever forget what ten years without a vital part of herself felt like. She had more sympathy with Bao-Dur because of that; they had both lost a part of them as vital as any could be. Both had suffered as a result, and both were now living with replacements of what had been, and found them not at all the same. Jaelyn had no idea how Bao-Dur had acquired his prosthetic, or how long it had taken, but she thought she understood his feelings on it. If only she understood his feelings on _her_...

Brushing those thoughts aside as she regularly brushed aside thoughts of Malachor, Jaelyn strode from the dormitory, hoping to find out how long it would take to get to Dantooine. She wanted to get off the ship, the sooner the better.

* * *

At his post by the garage workbench, Bao-Dur was in an excellent position to hear every word of Jaelyn and Mira's conversation. Jaelyn had only gotten a few steps out of the dormitory when she was abruptly waylaid by Mira, who was not-so-subtly asking Jaelyn about her relationship with Atton by disguising it a 'girl talk.' As Bao-Dur listened, he grew more and more afraid of the diminutive redhead, who seemed to think relationships consisted of stun-cuffs, with a few Bothan stun sticks for variety. Apparently Jaelyn was as nonplussed as he, because she gave a heartfelt negative when Mira finally asked her outright whether she and Atton had 'hooked up a power coupling.' Although Bao-Dur was ecstatic at that revelation, he couldn't help but wonder where that left him. She wasn't interested in Atton, but he was obviously even lower on her priority list. Sighing, he turned back to the workbench, hoping they would get to Dantooine soon so he could get off the ship, the sooner the better.

* * *

_Yay, my longest chapter to date! Thank you for reading this far, and as the critical points in the story approach I hope you stay with it. Mical has yet to join us, and he will be yet another dividing factor. And yes, I swear they will get together in the end! Thanks as always to Niobe Asha, DevonF, Rae, Pirate.Rent-Head.Jedi Knight., Toran of Raysed, LeaDeetz, No One Special, and CaitlynRoe. These are all of my reviewers, and if you want your name on next chapter's list I promise all you need to do is review, even if it's a negative one. I'm getting into the part of the story where I'm not even sure what will happen next, and I want each and every person who reads this to shape what comes out. So review. Now. **That means YOU.** Thank You!_


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